Struggling.....

Reid broke his leg yesterday. He was riding his skateboard down a hill by our house and "wiped out".....to use his brother's words. Austin called me on his cell phone (even though it was right behind our house in the school parking lot) and said, "Mom, I think Reid broke his leg....and I told him not to skateboard down this hill!" He was covering his own behind! Not that either of them were in trouble...how could I get on to Reid when I saw him crying his eyes out and writhing in agony? I knew immediately that the leg wasn't o.k. It was in a funny angle and he couldn't move it at all and he cried and cried and I could not get him to stop. He doesn't normally do that, either....I have seen him take some very bad falls on his skateboard, or even just playing football or riding his bike, and he always gets up laughing. Not this time. I went and got the car and left Austin with Emmie and took him to the ER. I was very thankful that Emmie's teacher was at school on a Saturday afternoon because her husband was there with her and he was waiting in the car and saw it happen. He said it was an "awful sound" when Reid fell. He helped me get Reid into the car (which took us forever) and his wife gave Reid a pillow to squeeze on the way to the hospital. Bless their hearts! Even in this trial, God didn't leave me alone. There was no way I could have gotten Reid into the car by myself. He is such a big kid and he could not support himself at all. He screamed when we forced him to move to the car and even stand a little on his good leg. Every bump of the car on the way to the ER made him scream. He was in terrible pain.

My mind is sort of a fog as I write this now. It was such a long evening waiting in the ER. Doctors, nurses, X-ray techs, cat scans, etc.......made it sort of a blur. I was more worried about my man who would not stop the tears coming down his face. Finally, after the doc read the x-ray, I knew why. It was a bad break, she said. The tibula bone (shin bone) that runs up to the femur bone right behind the knee cap is broken all the way across and down at the joint. Right on the growth plate. According to all the doctors and nursers involved, this is not a good place to break your leg. His leg is still swollen three times the normal size....from his hip to his toes. I could not believe they even sent him home. They put a partial cast on it (because of the swelling) and gave him some Vicodin for pain, and told us there was nothing more they could do until the swelling went down and to call a certain orthopedic doctor first thing Monday morning. The doctor mentioned pins, she mentioned surgery, she mentioned a thing called a knee joint brace, and she mentioned a full cast....one of which will happen in a few days....according to the orthopedic doctor. So we waited at Walgren's for 30 minutes on the prescription (while Reid cried in the back seat) and then we came home. Austin and I got Reid in the house.....even though there were times when we were standing (with Reid on crutches) in the driveway thinking we would be there all night. Every single movement meant terrible pain for him. It was awful to watch. My heart was hurting, I think, as much as his leg just watching him suffer. It was terrible. I kept praying for strength from heaven for Reid and for myself. I got the kids together after we finally got Reid on the blow up air matttress downstairs (there was no way he could make it up the stairs) and we prayed for God to heal him and for us to all be patient when he is yelling at us out of pain and frustration. Pain has a way of making the sufferer become someone very different from themselves. It makes a person want instant relief and sometimes that comes in the form of yelling at another. And Reid was not pleasant, understandably so. So I prayed for patience for Austin, Emmie, and me, too!

So this morning, after a long night of Reid waking every hour or so and asking for more pain medicine and after helping him urinate in a plastic water bottle (all I had and it worked!) I figured I did get about four hours sleep. I am tired and I am down and I am getting ready to go read my Bible and seek God's strength. I feel so weak and so tired and so down today. $100 dollars in the ER as a copay (Chris just did get insurance on the kids a few months ago...praise the Lord!) and another $30 on medicine and now I have to stay with him next week and take him to the doctor and not sub and Christmas coming.....sometimes I just don't understand. But even in my doubting and even in my questioning, I still trust the Lord. I still believe in His faithfulness. I know He has always been there, and He will surely see us through this. I just hate feeling so alone and helpless. I tell God all the time that He must think I can take more than I can, because He tests me through some loooong, tiring trials. Many times I want to give up. Many nights I lie in bed and wonder what heaven will be like. Many days I think about dad singing with the angels and sitting at the feet of Jesus, and OH, I long to be there. Heaven is so rich to me, and this life is such a struggle. Many, many days I find myself just longing to be "home". I will press on while God has given me breath and I will fight the good fight with all I have and when I am weak I will thank the Lord for His strength, and I will glory in the cross and the sufferings of this earthly life....but oh, I have a hope that someday there will be no more bills, and some day there will be no more pain on the face of my son, and some day there will be no more tears or stress or sorrows. That is the hope that is within me today.

I wait in hope for YOU Lord,
YOU are my strength and my shield,
In YOU my heart rejoices as I trust in YOUR holy name.
May YOUR unfailing love surround me,
even as I put my hope in YOU.