The GOOD that comes through suffering....

I have had the past couple of days off (although I have cleaned and scrubbed my house and I actually do still have class this afternoon) and I have had some time to really study God's word more. I read it everyday, but some days I am rushed and I love mornings where I can rise early and I don't have to be anywhere and I can just read and pray. It is in the quiet moments in the early morning hours with my Savior that I relish. I have been reading a book by Joni Eareckson Tada called When God Weeps and I have learned so much. I have a problem that I think most Americans have and that is I pray for God to remove my sufferings instead of praying for God to show me His strength so I can bear it and grow from it. I am still learning. But one thing God has taught me this week even more than ever is that there is GOOD that comes through suffering. I already knew this, but I fought it....I resisted suffering at all costs. I am learning to just immediately kneel before Jesus and ask him to comfort me. He always does...in fact, He is always waiting there for me. He knows every tear I have ever cried and every tear I will ever cry. He draws me to himself and he wipes my tears with his nail-scarred hands and he says, "I hurt with you. I suffered rejection and pain because you matter to me." When I stop and think about how much my Savior loves me, nothing else seems to matter. When I realize that the Lord loves me enough to prune me and make me more like Him, then I smile. I guess that is what I was supposed to learn all along, huh? I am just a slow learner!

Something else I learned this week is that God wants me to realize just how BIG His dreams are for my life. I guess I have always been willing to settle for mediocre. God isn't happy with that. My pastor said something last week that really made me think. He said you can offer a small child a piece of candy or a million dollars and without exception, they will choose the candy. Why? Because a child doesn't realize the value of the money...they only realize the immediateness of the candy. I am like that. I go for the familiar....the instant ease of pain, instead of waiting for the Lord to give me the million dollars. I reach for the candy everytime. I think about the marriage I had. I allowed it. I have no one to blame. But I was willing to settle for being treated poorly. I was willing to give, give, give, with nothing in return. I was willing to let another completely empty me dry without giving anything in return. Why? Because it was familiar. I went for the candy....and all it did was give me cavities. It was what I thought would make me happy. It was what I thought I needed and wanted. But in reality, I simply wanted pure love. Only God can offer that. I can look high and low for others to fill me up, but it will never happen. God is molding me and changing me and He is starting with my thinking. He is showing me He has so much more for me than all I have ever wanted. I like His dreams better! :) And I am so thankful that God has brought me to a place where I can realize the faults within me and the role I played in the direction my life has taken. I realize the choices I have made that have caused me pain. I see the sin within me and I can see His desire for me to be holy....and not always happy. He is making me pure. It is what I asked for. I am to the place where I realize God has a plan in absolutely everything in my life and I rest in His grace and love and yes, even His discipline.

This past Wednesday I was substituting at Franklin Elementary School. I was in the office filling in for the secretary (of all days...when the weather was terrible and the phone rang off the hook with worried parents!) and the principal and I had a good talk. I could tell immediately he was a very good guy. He seemed so genuine and real and I had only just met him. Well, at the end of the day, when all the kids were gone and it was time to go home, I went outside and noticed someone scraping my windows. We had gotten a severe ice storm during the day and it came so fast, there wasn't even time to let the kids out of school early. But when I walked outside and saw that sweet principal standing in the freezing rain and bitter cold scraping my windows, well, I couldn't help it...I began to cry. My eyes welled up so fast I couldn't stop it. I whispered, "thank you, Lord, for this blessing." His love surrounded me and I heard Him say, "Just wait, Melissa Brant. Just wait and see what I have in store for you. This is only a taste of what I have planned for you." Oh, I am crying now just thinking about it. It doesn't take a lot to make this girl happy! I guess I am human. I just want to be loved. But I have spent too long looking in the wrong places. I have spent too long reaching for the candy. I have spent too long asking...no begging....God to change my circumstances. I know now the greatest change God wants to do is inside of me. He wants to change me.....not my situation. Oh, why do I fret? Why do I feel so down? I, like King David, never want to offer anything to the Lord which costs me nothing, so I will thank Him for the suffering in my life. I will thank Him for the sorrows He has brought me. I will thank Him for the wonderful sculpture He is creating. I will stop looking at the pieces He is chiseling away. I will stop dreading the hammer and stop worrying about the future. My fears have held me back for so long. But Oh, He has lead me through every storm. I will hold on to Him even more.

My Jesus, I Love Thee, and I know Thou art MINE! Thank You, Lord, for wanting so much more for me than I could ever want for myself. I want to make You smile! I want to bring joy to You, just as You have for me. Make my heart pure, Oh God. Help me to be obedient to You, always. Give me clean hands and a pure heart today, I pray!

Some day, God is going to reveal the fact to every Christian, that the very principles they now rebel against, have been the instruments which He used in perfecting their characters and molding them into perfection, polished stones for His great building yonder. --Cortland Myers

Suffering is a wonderful fertilizer to the roots of character. The great object of this life is character. This is the only thing we can carry with us into eternity. . . . To gain the most of it and the best of it is the object of probation. --Austin Phelps