On Friday I took my last final and then I headed to Columbia to take the kids to their dad's house. We got there around 6:30 and then I met my friend Holly at the new Chinese place and we visited for about two hours there. I think they were ready to run us out! We had a good talk and I then headed home. I got back to KC around 11 and couldn't sleep, even though I was very tired! So I played on the computer for a while (very glad to not have to study!) and then I finally fell asleep around 1 in the morning. Susan called at 8 and woke me up and so I got up and read my Bible for a while and then cleaned my house. After that I got on the treadmill and then did pilates. I basically just lounged and watched tv for the rest of the afternoon. I had told Susan to just come to my house when she got off work and we could head to Brookfield from here, but she was ticked at me, cuz she wanted me to come and get her so she wouldn't have to leave her van here at my house. We got into a little spat (which we do a lot, but we always quickly resolve it!....we actually act A LOT like sisters!) but I told her to just come to my house, since it was silly for me to go all the way to North Oak to get her and then back this way to head to Brookfield. She said, "Whatever works for you, Princess!" But I knew right after I hung up the phone with her that I would drive to her apartment and get her and suprise her. Yes, I was being selfish and thinking only of myself. I prayed and asked God to help me to be more like His Son and to place others first. It is a struggle...I am so selfish most of the time. But anyway, I headed out to her house around 5, knowing she would be home around 6. I first went to Big Lots because I wanted to get her something for Christmas. I knew I couldn't afford much, but I found the perfect gift. A barstool! She has a bar in her kitchen that she stands at because she has no chair there, so I found a very neat, sort of old style barstool with a black padded seat that I got her. She was excited to get it and excited to see me at her apartment! Then we headed to Brookfield and arrived at Mom's around 9.
Sunday morning we attended both services at Park Baptist where Susan spoke on her missions experience in Poland. I had asked Bro. Mark if I could introduce her and thank the church for their wonderful and generous love offering to me. It was a good day and a good time seeing old friends. Judy and her sister and Linda took Susan and me out to lunch at Pizza Hut after church.
Around 2 we went to Mendenhall's house where I was to speak to the youth group there for my Secular Humanism class requirements. It was so much fun. I spoke on what I HAD to, and then I spoke on what the Lord placed on my heart. It was a great afternoon. I hugged and cried all afternoon. I miss my students and I miss teaching. Taylor asked me if he could sing me a song and play his guitar for me and of course I said yes. He started by saying that he was singing to "the greatest teacher he ever had" which made me instantly cry. He sang a song that I loved called "Too Good to Be" by New Found Glory. I am posting a clip of them singing it below that I found on Youtube. It was bittersweet. I really miss teaching and sometimes I have an overwhelming desire to go back to it. But I know God has called me here and He will help me finish seminary. I just don't understand, though, why God called me away from teaching. I sat there and talked with my students (and cried with many of them) and just quietly prayed and asked God to help me to trust Him more. It is my human nature to question and wonder where God is taking me and I think the hardest thing I struggle with is why? Why did God call me away from where I was? I always believed God made me to teach. I always believed my classroom was my mission field. I always believed that those students that I dearly loved knew they had a friend in me and that I made a difference in their lives...no matter how small. But now? What good am I now to anyone? I don't understand. I struggle with this every single day. And honestly, "the future looks so hard and I just want to go back." I have only finished one semester and I am wore out already and my finances are so tight. It is such a huge temptation to apply to the school district and quit seminary and go back to teaching. It is something I pray about everyday. God has provided and I know He will continue to provide, but I wish I could see where I was going....where God was leading. And when I heard Taylor sing that song to me....well, I guess I just can't understand why God called me away from that. But I will trust Him all the more and praise Him in this storm....and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time, that is what I pray for. If I try to look too far ahead, it only makes me sad.
Well, before I go tonight....I talked to Holly....one of my dear, sweet students yesterday. She has been through so much and she wants to come and live with me. I told her I would take her anyday. She is going to her case worker on Dec. 18 to find out if she can. She is a ward of the state, so she thinks they will allow it. I will have to fill out paperwork and apply for a temporary foster care certificate, but I will do it for her. I love that girl. I prayed all night last night on the way home about what to do. I don't want to put hard feelings between her parents and myself, but I really think they would like her to be gone. I just pray the Lord's will be done. I struggle to provide for my own children, but I know if this is what God has in mind for me, He will provide. I told Holly she had to obey my rules, stay in school, make good grades, and get a part time job. She was o.k. with all of that. I am not naive to think things will always be o.k. I have taken in other students before and I know eventually they get angry with me for making them mind, or making them go to church with me, or not letting them go out whenever they want, but Holly knows how I feel. She just desperately wants to be loved. When I got home last night I sat the kids down and asked their opinion about it. Of course, they were hesitant at first, but then the more we talked, the more excited they became. I am not a perfect parent by a looooong shot, but they have such big hearts and they always want to help others. Reid said, "Mom, I know the court will let you have her because you are a good person and maybe she will become a Christian!" How sweet! Then Emmie said, "yeah Mom and you are pretty!" Like that has anything to do with it, but it made me laugh!!! My kids sometimes just make me so happy. My boys, in fact, are outside right now playing with two kids from down the street (they always have some kid knocking on the door to play!) but they gravitate to the ones who have little....or who are made fun of....or who just don't have friends. Today after school Austin came in and asked if Raymond could come in and watch Superman Returns with him. I said, "of course." The cool thing is Raymond has a severe speech problem. He isn't stupid, but he can't hardly talk and it is a struggle for him to even say "hi". The other kids on the street make fun of him and it makes my boys angry. They always take up for him and I LOVE that about them. I went in Austin's room today and said, "Hey Raymond....how are you?" He struggled to say "hi" and then he tried to say, "You like my new shirt?" I looked at Austin and he was grinning at me as if to say, "See, Mom, he isn't a bad kid!" Yes, my kids have BIG hearts. I am so thankful for that. THey don't care who makes fun of them....but they will stand up for the underdog. They have always been that way. It is the gift of mercy. I am very thankful that they aren't "brats!" (Well, not ALL the time!!) And really...isn't that what it is all about? And I am always amazed the way God uses the weak of the world to shame the strong.....!
Here are some pics from my weekend.....
Holly and me....
Taylor "serenading me!" (and Ally standing by him!)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment