Thinking About Prayer

I have really been wrestling with my prayer life lately. It isn't that I don't understand prayer, it's just that I don't understand prayer. Say what? O.k., let me back up and start over. I guess what I am trying to say is I don't understand prayer. I know I can go to the throne of grace at any time, any moment, any second of the day and I will find my heavenly Father there waiting and listening. I love those quiet moments with God. I love to just talk to the Lord and pour out my heart. I do it often. That is the easy part of prayer. It is the other side of prayer, the asking part of prayer, where I think it gets harder. I spent two months during my seminary days researching and studying prayer. I read everything from C.S. Lewis to C.H. Spurgeon (ever noticed how all the great preachers and theologians seem to go by their initials? I think I will officially be called M.J. Brant from now on :) to try to grasp what others learned about prayer. I read all the Bible commentaries on prayer. I prayed about prayer. I asked God to reveal to me His thoughts on prayer. I desperately desire to be a women of prayer. But here is where I struggle. Is it my will or God's will? Is it a selfish desire or God's desire? Here is something I read this morning from Streams in the Desert devotionals that started this entire thought process again for me. Beware...it's heavy.....

 

"Jesus saith unto him, Go thy way; thy son liveth. And the man believed the word that Jesus had spoken unto him, and he went his way" (John 4:50).

"When ye pray, believe" (Mark 11:24).

When there is a matter that requires definite prayer, pray till you believe God, until with unfeigned lips you can thank Him for the answer. If the answer still tarries outwardly, do not pray for it in such a way that it is evident that you are not definitely believing for it. Such a prayer in place of being a help will be a hindrance; and when you are finished praying, you will find that your faith has weakened or has entirely gone. The urgency that you felt to offer this kind of prayer is clearly from self and Satan. It may not be wrong to mention the matter in question to the Lord again, if He is keeping you waiting, but be sure you do so in such a way that it implies faith. Do not pray yourself out of faith. You may tell Him that you are waiting and that you are still believing Him and therefore praise Him for the answer. There is nothing that so fully clinches faith as to be so sure of the answer that you can thank God for it. Prayers that pray us out of faith deny both God's promise in His Word and also His whisper "Yes," that He gave us in our hearts. Such prayers are but the expression of the unrest of one's heart, and unrest implies unbelief in reference to the answer to prayer. "For we which have believed do enter into rest" (Heb. 4:3). This prayer that prays ourselves out of faith frequently arises from centering our thoughts on the difficulty rather than on God's promise. Abraham "considered not his own body," "he staggered not at the promise of God" (Rom. 4:19, 20). May we watch and pray that we enter not into temptation of praying ourselves out of faith. --C. H. P.

Whew. That's deep. I understand, somewhat, what the author is trying to say. But that is where I struggle. The Bible says to ask and pray and keep on asking and keep on knocking. But how do you answer the wife who just buried her husband whose body was ravaged with cancer, when she prayed day and night for two years for God to heal his body and restore him back to health so he could father their two teenage sons? Did she not pray in faith believing that God would heal him? Oh, but she did. It is the age old, question, I guess. And then there is the great preacher and man of God that I respect very much named Jim Cymbala, who is the pastor of the Brookfield Tabernacle in Brookyln, NY, who says that we get wrapped up in our theological jargon when we say we don't know if it is the Lord's will. He claims that is often times simply a lack of faith. But back to the devotional above where he writes, "the urgency that you felt to offer this kind of prayer is clearly from self and Satan." I have been there. I have cried out to God for desperate relief to my pain, and looking back now, I gave up on praying those short-lived prayers (well, o.k. one was a four year prayer) but eventually I saw that God clearly had said no to my prayer, but I also came to realize that it was a selfish prayer to begin with. What is it James says? You have not because you ask with selfish desires? (my paraphrase) I have been guilty of praying myself out of faith. I am learning to ask the Lord to test everything I prayer for and see if there is any wicked offense in me, and lead me to the path ever lasting. I am learning to ask the Lord to reveal to me the truth behind my prayers and the motives behind them. It is often that I can even convince myself that my heart is pure, when in fact, it is very selfish. I guess to be a women of prayer, takes hours and hours of practice. I have so far to go. But I am also learning that I know Christ's heartbeat. I know His tender ways. I know His loving touch. I am learning to hear His voice. It is becoming louder than my own. I am learning that I like that.