He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand....

Beth Moore writes in her book I am reading Get Out of That Pit, "I want consuming fire to rage in my soul, and if it's got to come through fiery trial, so be it. I want Jesus. A lot of Him. And obviously, He wanted me. All of me."

As I read that, I got goosebumps, because I know I found Jesus....all of Him, and it came through a lot of fiery trials of my own. And I am forever thankful that He wanted me enough to send me through those trials. And now I am to a place where I want Jesus so much, that I pray the trials always come my way if I drift. If I go my own way and my Savior starts to miss me, I pray he "burden me back" to His loving arms. A dangerous prayer to pray, I know, but it is my heart's cry. I just want Jesus. As I read this book, I realized something very powerful. Somewhere along the way, Christ has pulled me up out of the slimy pit. He has done it inch by inch. I was sunk so deep and so desperate to be saved, that I cried out to the Lord, and He heard my cry and rescued me. I don't even realize how and when it happened, but it did. He has set my feet on solid ground and I will praise Him forever because I remember what it was like to be in that pit. I can now tell when I am dangerously close to it....and I run far away, back into my Redeemer's arms. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, but God saw me in my distress and set me free. I don't think I would have ever appreciated how good it feels to have my feet set on the solid rock of Jesus Christ, if I had never spent so much time in the pit....some of it from my own digging, and some of it from other's pushing me in.....but nonetheless, I have been set free.

I remember when Debbie Patterson was dying of cancer and one particular Sunday she spoke in Sunday School and the words she spoke brought tears to my eyes. Not because I felt sorry for her, but because I knew in my heart I didn't know the One I called "Lord" as she did. I remember the prayer I prayed that day after I got home from church....with my two little boys playing at my feet. I said, "Father in heaven, if it takes cancer for me, too, I want to know You like Debbie does." And I meant it. Well, 10 years later, I realize it didn't take cancer for me, but it took a series of events and an incredibly broken heart to draw me to my knees to seek my King....for real. Yes, I want consuming fire, too. I want it to rage within my soul for my Creator. I want to KNOW Him....really know Him. I want to stand before Him in heaven and finally feel "home" and not in a strange place. Yes, sometimes God puts us in our own "prison" just to set us free. I have tried to crawl out of the pit by standing on the shoulders of another, but that is never very stable. Only God is my solid rock. Only God can set me free!

I know I have been very tiring to the Lord many times, and He tells me all the time, "Melissa, didn't you learn this once already?" But thankfully, He never gives up on me. I love what Beth Moore writes in her book......she says that the most fitting thing to put on her tombstone when she dies is "God Got Tired!" Isn't that a hoot?! I think it would be fitting to put on mine, too. But oh no, He will never let go of me! Even when I doubt and test Him over and over and have to learn the same things......He keeps on loving me.

I am so glad the Lord tore away all my "deformed desires" and saved me from even myself. I had such a stronghold by satan that I wanted to run right back to the very type of situation I was in before.....all because I was looking to be loved. When the greatest love of all was beckoning me from His throne! It is ironic to me now, especially since I didn't realize it then, but I was addicted to the very poison that was killing me. It was toxic to my soul. But it was all out of ignorance....I simply hadn't learned the love of Christ yet....the love that leaves me satisfied and longing for nothing. Finally God said, "no, I have bigger dreams for you! I allowed you to go your own way once and look where you landed. I won't allow it now!" And all I can now say is, "I am so glad that You've torn it all away, Lord. Once I held it in my hand, it was a kingdom made of sand, and I can't believe I can say that I'm glad!"

May all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You! Psalm 40:16